All I want for Mother's Day ...
Sure, I like flowers and candles. But these are the things I want much more.
I have such mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. Of course I love my mother (hi, Mom!). And since I became a mom I’ve very much enjoyed the shower of love and affection from my kids. But, Mother’s Day isn’t awesome for everyone for a long list of reasons. Those struggling with loss — of varying kinds — can find it a very alienating day, a fact I’m acutely aware of every year.
But more importantly, Mother’s Day just feels hollow in a country that has demonstrated over and over and over that we really could care less about mothers. We’ll print cards and ship flowers and slap slogans over all manner of junk that no one needs. But fund childcare? Give families any amount of federally-guaranteed paid leave? Address the absolutely appalling maternal mortality rate?
Sigh. I know, I know. Who’s against Mother’s Day? It’s … Mother’s Day. I promise I am nice in real life. But I’m also allergic to meaningless gestures. Mother’s Day just doesn’t mean much when mothers and families are so poorly supported.
So here’s the list of things I think should be table stakes in the world’s wealthiest and most advanced country. I have a much longer list of wishes, to be clear, these are the things that I think are just basic.
Universal, publicly funded, gender-neutral paid family leave.
Universal, publicly-funded childcare and eldercare. This would include a school year and day that matches the workday and wrap-around services to cover gaps.
Universal access to affordable healthcare.
Men who take the leave they are entitled to in order to care for children and other loved ones.
As many Moms in the Senate as Senators named John.
For carework to be valued as work, both when it’s done for money (so professional care workers would be treated as professionals and paid accordingly) and when it’s done for “free” (so mothers, daughters, sisters and anyone who cares for a loved one regardless of gender was valued and supported)
By the way, if this list feels radical to you, I’d ask you to reflect on what you’ve come to accept as normal. Or, if I may be so bold, I’d ask you to consider whether you, personally, have the means to access some of these things and maybe that influences how you think about how broadly available they should be.
I really don’t hate Mother’s Day. But I’d feel a lot better about the flowers, chocolates, and candles if they weren’t meant to be a substitute for the real things that families need to be healthy and to thrive.