NYT to Dad: Happy Father's Day. Now shape up!
First let me just say that I have mixed feelings about Lisa Belkin. Sometimes I think she gets it. Other times, not so much.
I actually really like this story which ran in Sunday's NYT magazine. But I just think it's mean that they ran it on Father's Day. The cover headline (not seen online) was also a little much. "Will Dad Ever Do His Share?" it blared. A bit like asking, "So, Mr. Smith, tell us, when did you stop beating your wife?"
But with all that windup, the article itself is good and raises a lot of interesting questions. It's easy to make fun of some of these couples and their spreadsheets to track who does what. But the truth, which the article points out really well, is that most of us fall into gender role patterns without even realizing it. And these patterns are ingrained -- even when they look like rational choices.
Telling stats from the article:
In households where Dad works and Mom is home full-time Mom does about a little more than 3 hours of housework for every hour Dad does. This makes sense, given the set up.
In households where both Mom and Dad work full-time, Mom does almost 2 hours of housework for every hour Dad does. Of course this doesn't make sense.
But here's the really crazy part: In households where Mom works and Dad is home full-time, Mom still does the majority of the housework.
And then there's this anecdote, which I think really illuminates the issue, which is that perception is reality. A social researcher relayed the story of two different couples. One couple, the man is a physician and the woman is a college professor. The second couple, the woman is a physician and the man is a college professor. In both cases the couple declares that the woman's profession is very flexible and the man's is not.
At the end of the day the answer isn't any one way -- but to choose a way that works for everyone in the family. Which is Belkin's real point, as she elaborates in this blog post. And, in the process of making your "choice" to see how much of your perceptions are colored by gender role expectations that have not changed nearly as much as we like to believe.